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the Joke page post your best ones here

#1 Guest_Hotspur_*

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Posted 11 December 2009 - 10:10

Christmas is coming the bankers are all tw*ts, they've blown all our money and now we have to suffer because of that. . .

Anyhow there is no better time to have a laugh than at Christmas time, so lets all post our best jokes on here. They don't have to be seasonal, just hopefully funny. . . rolleyes.gif


Little boy stands on a butterfly, dad says, " No butter for a week!"
Next day little boy jumps on a honeybee, dad says, " No honey for a week!"

Few days later in the kitchen mum stands on a cockroach. The little boy looks up at his dad and says, "Are you gonna tell her or shall I ?!"

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#2 Guest_Diamond Lights_*

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Posted 13 December 2009 - 13:22

Spurs performance yesterday.
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#3 Guest_CO_Spurs_*

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Posted 13 December 2009 - 15:12

David Beckham's haircut.
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#4 Guest_Stephan_*

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Posted 13 December 2009 - 16:23

Berbasulk's new hair cut. Looks like a school boy laugh.gif
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#5 Guest_funkfish_*

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Posted 14 December 2009 - 08:21

A little boy wanted a new bike for Christmas. His mother told him they did not have any money for a bike. But she told him if he would tell Jesus what a good boy he would be, maybe Jesus would allow him to have one.

The little boy sat down to write Jesus a letter. As he began the letter..."Dear Jesus I will be good for one year..." He scribbled that out and wrote, "Dear Jesus I will be good for one month..." Then he scribbled that out and wrote, "Dear Jesus I will be good for one whole week...." In his disgust he tore up the paper and went for a walk.

As he walked he passed by the local church were there was a Nativity scene. He began to run as fast as he could and, when he past by the figure of Mary, grabbed her up and ran home. He ran in the front door and to his room. There he began a new letter that started..."Dear Jesus if you ever want to see your mother again..."


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#6 User is offline   USASpursFan 

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 18:20

Two guys were in a bar having a few drinks. One guy looks at the other and ask "do you want to play the football drinking game to see who picks up the tab".

The other guy asks well how do you play it?

You take a shot for six points pull down your pants, bend over and fart for the extra point. Like this. The first guy takes a shot stands up pulls down his pants bends over and farts. 7 points he yells.

The other guy takes his shot pulls down his pants but when he bends over he fells a sharp pain in his arse. The other guy is behind him pounding away. "Block that kick! Block that kick!"
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#7 User is offline   ComeOnYouSpurs 

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Posted 07 November 2013 - 17:29

Some people say that fire-fighters deserve more money, but apparently a poll was taken.. and they all fell through a hole in the floor.
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Posted 07 November 2013 - 18:34

yep like that one mate. :lmao:
Before You Judge My Life, My Past, Or My Character,

Walk In My Shoes, Walk The Path I Have Traveled, Live My Sorrow,
My Doubts, My Fear, My Pain, And My Laughter.

REMEMBER

Everyone Has A Story,
When You've Lived My Life,Then you Can Judge Me.
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#9 User is offline   stokesie 

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Posted 08 November 2013 - 15:02

Man goes to the checkout in a supermarket with one tin of beans, 1 sausage, 1 egg and 1 bread roll.

The girl at the checkout says " your single arnt you? "...the man says " how do you know? "........the girl says " cos your a right ugly c*** "!!
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#10 User is offline   wheelbo 

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Posted 12 November 2013 - 20:18

What do you call an italian with a rubber toe?

Roberto

da-dum!
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Posted 30 November 2013 - 11:48

Muslim terrorists have gone on the rampage in Bradford killing everyone who is English
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 5. :niceone:
Before You Judge My Life, My Past, Or My Character,

Walk In My Shoes, Walk The Path I Have Traveled, Live My Sorrow,
My Doubts, My Fear, My Pain, And My Laughter.

REMEMBER

Everyone Has A Story,
When You've Lived My Life,Then you Can Judge Me.
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#12 User is offline   Bennotheyid 

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Posted 03 December 2013 - 15:17

Rumour has it that Tom Daley's new boyfriend is also an Olympian...

My Money is on Fatima Whitbread!!
Rock Scissors Paper Champion 2013. Not this time Edward Scissorhands!
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#13 User is offline   wheelbo 

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Posted 07 December 2013 - 20:40

View PostBennotheyid, on 03 December 2013 - 15:17, said:

Rumour has it that Tom Daley's new boyfriend is also an Olympian...

My Money is on Fatima Whitbread!!


Class!
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#14 User is offline   alisidy 

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Posted 23 April 2014 - 07:30

2 peanuts went on a night out. They got split over the course of the night. 1 peanut got home at 1am, the other came back at 3. The peanut asked ''why are you so late?'' The other peanut said ''I was A-salted''

Your :welcome:
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Posted 09 February 2017 - 09:38

Dont some people have problems, a guy writes to a friend:

I am a sailor in the English Navy, my parents live in the South West of England,and my brother in law is an Arsenal fan,living in Scotland.
My Mother and Father have been busted for drug running,and depend on my two sisters who are prostitutes in Liverpool, for a living.

My only Brother is serving a life sentence in goal on charges of r*pe and Murder.

I'm in love with a black prostitute whoh solicits around the Naval dockyard, my girl friend says she love me, but knows nothing of my family background, we intend to marry as soon as her illnesses clear up, and my being white does not bother her at all.

When I get out of the navy we will open a whore house in London and my two sisters will work there to keep the business in the family,My problem is this:

I want to marry this girl and bring her into the family and I want to be completely honest with her:

Should I tell her about my brother in law being an Arsenal fan?
Before You Judge My Life, My Past, Or My Character,

Walk In My Shoes, Walk The Path I Have Traveled, Live My Sorrow,
My Doubts, My Fear, My Pain, And My Laughter.

REMEMBER

Everyone Has A Story,
When You've Lived My Life,Then you Can Judge Me.
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#16 User is offline   griff 

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 18:58

Mick Hucknell appeared in court today charged with brutality against his pet rabbit. He entered a plea of not guilty but did admit to 'holding back the ears'
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#17 User is offline   griff 

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Posted 09 February 2017 - 18:59

One more......What is the difference between Joan Collins and a kit Kat?

Well you only get 4 fingers in a kit Kat!
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Posted 09 February 2017 - 21:03

Englishman, Scotsman, and a Jew in a resturant, the bill came to 180.00 the scotsman shouted out I'll pay, the headlines in paper next morning read "Jewish ventriloquost found dead in restuarant. :niceone:
Before You Judge My Life, My Past, Or My Character,

Walk In My Shoes, Walk The Path I Have Traveled, Live My Sorrow,
My Doubts, My Fear, My Pain, And My Laughter.

REMEMBER

Everyone Has A Story,
When You've Lived My Life,Then you Can Judge Me.
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Posted 01 March 2017 - 20:55

Muldoon lives with his dog in the countryside. When the dog dies, Muldoon goes to the parish priest. "Father, could you say a mass for the poor creature?"
The father explains, "We can?t have services for an animal in the church, but there?s a new denomination down the road. Maybe they?ll do something for him."

"Thanks," says Muldoon. "Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

The father replies, "Why didn?t you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
Before You Judge My Life, My Past, Or My Character,

Walk In My Shoes, Walk The Path I Have Traveled, Live My Sorrow,
My Doubts, My Fear, My Pain, And My Laughter.

REMEMBER

Everyone Has A Story,
When You've Lived My Life,Then you Can Judge Me.
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#20 User is offline   Sandro's brother 

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Posted 06 March 2017 - 11:58

My daughter came down stairs this morning and said

" mummy when I walked past your bedroom last night, I saw you jumping up and down on daddy's belly.

My misses thought quickly as she felt she was too young to learn about the birds and bees so she said

" you know daddy has a big belly, every now and then I have to jump on it to make it flat again, so that's what I was doing.

My daughter looked a bit puzzelled and said

" well that's a bit silly mummy because when you go to work, bev from next door comes round and blows it back up again"
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